Emmeline Textiles Partita

Normally, I at least wait until I have worn a wrap for a while before I even write anything about it. But, I am super excited about this new colorway of Emmeline Textiles Partita! I have tried both Partita Wisteria and Eleanor Pearl and both blew my mind, so I am sure this one will as well!

Also, this shade of yellow is PERFECT! I love the color yellow, but yellow doesn't quite feel the same about me. This shade however, is like the perfect soft yellow that will probably work for almost anyone. And the shimmer is absolutely amazing. It is hard to capture the exact yellow because it is so subtle. But, I'll keep trying!

Okay, enough talking, now I need to wear it some more now!

I'll Be the First...

I'll be the first to admit that I'm far from perfect. If I had the time, I could and probably would, make you a list detailing each and every flaw. But, honestly, that's not the point of this post. Maybe another day. In my imperfection, I've made a lot of questionable decisions. Though I wouldn't change any of those decisions because they have led me here (and I mean, have you seen The Butterfly Effect?!) there are still a ton of what ifs that keep me up at night. The latest and most often recurring choice that is keeping me up at night is college.

In high school, like most teenagers, I thought I knew best. Much to my mother's dismay, I decided not to apply to any 4 year colleges. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and in my mind, I could knock out my gen ed classes then transfer to a 4 year school. Less debt & it would give me time to decide. My mom pushed for me to reconsider but, I was stubborn.  After graudation I moved to Orange County, got a job and I finished my first year. Then decided I wanted to move back to the Valley since I thought I missed my friends. I stayed in school for a semester and I worked my ass off. And then, life happened. By life, I mean I got pregnant. I tried to stay in school but I was barely able to handle life with how sick I was so I took some time off. I ended up moving back to Orange County with my mom and tried to get back into the swing of school and while I attended a few classes at University of Phoenix, I still just wasn't there mentally. I moved to Long Beach after another short stint in the Valley and left UoP. Once again, I went back to school, still with very little direction but did it because that's what I thought I should have been doing. I went to school through working full time, I went to school through pregnancies. I did that on and off until 2014 when I had my 3rd.

So, I have all of these credits and no degree. I have all of this debt and nothing to show for it. And it's wearing on me. I wish I had waited until I knew what I wanted to do. But, on the other side I wish I had listened to my mom. I wish I had at least stayed the course and finished... something. I mean, right this second, I am 6 classes shy of my A.A. in Child Development. 6. That's two semesters. Or like, if they offer the classes during winter, I could knock that out by the end of Spring semester. And I'm debating it... but... I don't know that I would actually use the degree.

I love children. I wouldn't have so many if I didn't. But, for the most part that degree is used for jobs in the classroom. I don't want to work in the classroom. I am more interesting in the paperwork side of well, life. Most of my adult life I've worked in an office. I kick ass in office jobs. I can type, I can file, I can answer phones and direct people, I can organize your life and Google all of your questions. I love deadlines and organized chaos. Basically, I love knowing what to expect. Little humans, I have learned, are actually the complete opposite of that. But, also... I'm so close.

My focus is special education. I ended up taking a few classes on special education because I was starting the IEP process for my oldest daughter and I wanted all of the information I could get. And well, ended up taking all of them. So, realistically, I've toyed with the idea of being an advocate or working with an advocacy agency in any capacity. Which, would fulfill that love for paperwork and also my desire to continue working for a non-profit. (I've worked mostly for non-profits dealing with addiction.)

I have an appointment with a counselor on Monday to discuss next steps because it's very possible that all of my doubts are really being fueled by my fear of failure and anxiety. Anyway, wish me luck.

It's Ok to NOT be Ok.

Last month, I did sober September with some good friends. It was an eye-opening experience because I was forced to actually deal with my anxiety and other reasons why I drink. It also gave me a chance to work through some of the core issues that trigger those reasons.

One of my favorite things to remind myself is that it is okay not to be okay. The reminder is simple, accepting it is not. So, it is something that I have to remind myself of often. Usually this reminder is partnered with me reminding myself that it is okay to take care of me. At the very start of Sober September, an article from the Mighty regarding the least talked about parts of self-care came across my Facebook feed. It has been an open window in my phone's browser since that day because it serves as a reminder that there is more to taking care of yourself than just taking a break and allowing myself to be not okay. Self-care also means taking the steps to actually be okay.

I think right now the biggest struggles that I have in regards to self-care are both knowing when to quit and knowing when to ask for help, both are deeply tied with knowing my own limits. I have a very bad habit of pushing myself to a breaking point in order to not inconvenience anyone else, not recognizing the damage that I am doing to myself in the mean time. One of my biggest fears (and triggers) is rejection. So, in order to avoid rejection, I avoid confrontation. Sometimes the anticipated reaction is far worse than what would actually happen. But, my mind ALWAYS goes to worst case scenario. 

It's time for me to totally and completely acknowledge that I am a mother of four children, three of them being between the ages of 9 months and 4 years old, one of them with special needs. I have limitations and that's okay. It's okay for me to say no when someone asks for help that I don't have the energy to give. It's okay for me to not engage. It's okay for me to not hold others emotional bagage when mine is heavy enough. It is time for me to not only set boundaries but also stick with them. It's also okay for me to set doctors appointments for myself and make other appointments that I need in order to be a better me because I do have a partner and family. I need to use my resources better. I need to reach out and ask for help and not just wait or hope for it to be offered. 

It's going to be hard. For me and probably others, especially my kids. But, in the long run I think it will make us all better. 

Yaro Ivy Blue Review

Wrap: Yaro Ivy Blue 
Material: 100% cotton
Size: 4.6/6 (Base +1)

Though I have heard a lot about Yaro, this was my first time trying out a Yaro. And, spoiler alert, I loved it! I'm super excited that Marsupial Mamas is now carrying them and especially since they are at such an amazing price point!

The wrap arrived in loom state & I couldn't get over how soft it was already. I kept petting it while I was waiting to get in the washer. And then it just got softer after I washed it. I was a bit skeptical about it because of how thin it is because I generally prefer thicker wraps. Though, I live in Southern California and we were in the middle of an end of summer heat wave most of the time it was here so I did most definitely appreciate how thin, lightweight and airy it is! It became my go to wrap on the hotter days because of that.

When wrapping with it, the first thing I noticed was the amount of diagonal stretch and microtecture that it has. If you haven't noticed, those are my two favorite wrap qualities. The wrap slid into place, hugged all of the right places then stayed there. It had the perfect amount of glide to get it where I wanted it and held in both a half knot and full knot in both front and back carries.

I tried it with all 3 kids that can go up. (9 months, 2 years, 4 years.) With the 9 month old, it was great in every carry I tried it in. Double Hammock, Front Wrap Cross Carry, Double Hammock with a Poppins finish, blah blah blah. I tried a lot of carries with it because I loved it. It did great with him. Actually, it was great with my 26 lb 2 year old as well. With the 4 year old it was best in multi-layer carries, other wise it got diggy after a bit, which I expected because of how thin it was.

Despite being thin and airy, the wrap is pretty tightly woven. Even with my every day use of it for a month or so, I didn't notice any pulls or broken threads. I just noticed it getting softer and easier to wrap with as time went on. So, I would say it isn't very pull prone. Which is always a good thing!

The biggest surprise for me is that it reminded me of a thinner version of Pavo Textiles' Sketchy. The texture and stretch were incredibly similar as well as the soapiness that mixed perfectly with the grip.

All in all, I would definitely recommend this wrap for people that like thin, airy, supportive wraps with diagonal stretch and great prices. It would make a great every day wrap. It would be best for newborn through about 25 or so pounds in any size and base or longer for any children bigger than that. It would be great for both new wrappers and experienced wrappers.