Have you ever just wanted to scream but you can't because there are little eyes watching your every move so instead you scream interally & try to choke back the sobs?

I'm there right now. I'm tired. Mentally and physically. I'm struggling. Baby is 26 days and I've been on the go since the day we got out of the hospital. I've been on my own with the baby & toddlers since 2 days out of the hospital. And the toddlers still don't sleep. So, I'm running off of coffee & will power right now. And, like, keeping two toddlers and a newborn alive in and of itself is a lot. But I'm also trying to find us a place to call home because while where we are is kind of home just because it's been so long, it isn't an actual home. It's an in between. And I'm fucking sick of being in between. And isolated.

Then also I'm trying to balance the whole debate of going back to work. I mean, do I? One hour to get there, nine hours of work, then another hour home. Eleven hours away from my six week old feels dirty. I mean, eleven hours away from my 20 month old is hard. But all day with them is hard too. Balance. I need it.

I'm tired. I should probably go to sleep. But, the toddlers are singing Frozen. Again. Loud. And aren't listening. Ever. And somehow they're naked again. How? I swear I *JUST* put clothes on them. But then I turned my back to clean up after them again & that happened. Again. Always.

And now the toddler is naked in the window. I should probably do something about that.